Eleven is a magical number. It is also a binary number, and (due to my aversion to all things mathematical) that's all I have to say about that. So, 2011 has been a magical, um, binary year.
In this time of top 10 lists of all that was good and bad in the last 12 months I've pulled together my own random musings on the year that was. I will employ the 11 theme as a rigorous structure in my summation, so you may note that I will pad out some of my lists with strained relevance. But please bear with me in my imposed numerical obligations. I can only be thankful that it isn't the end of 2020.
11 Ironic Quotes
1. "I do." - Kim Kardashian
2. "What have I ever done to you?" - Gaddafi to captor moments before his humiliating public execution.
3. "By any measure, this has already been a long war." - Obama announcing the end of Iraq War.
4. "I think that climate change science is far from settled. The fact that we've had, if anything, cooling global temperatures over the last decade, not withstanding continued carbon emissions suggests that the role of CO2 is not nearly as clear as the climate catastrophists would suggest. I also think that if you want to put a price on carbon, why not do it with just a simple tax?" - Tony Abbott denies climate change AND endorses a carbon tax in the same breath. Breathtaking.
6. "I don't know if Obama's birth certificate is authentic." - Donald Trump flogging a dead horse.
7. "An unnamed Hollywood starlet will give birth to a dwarf." - Spooky prediction by Canadian 'psychic' Nikki who also foresaw the first successful brain transplant (she is ranked as "urgent" on the recipient list), the burning down of the Playboy mansion, and the end of the world in 2011. Surprisingly and prophetically for my list, zero of her 11 predictions came true. Better luck next year Nikki!!
8. "I have a different constitution. I have a different brain; I have a different heart; I got tiger blood, man." - Charlie Sheen #winning.
9. "It's not age that Hendrix, Jones, Joplin, Cobain and Amy have in common - it's drug abuse." - Singer Billy Bragg debunks the 27 Club myth.
10. "This is one of the most humble days of my life." - 'Rupert Murdoch'. Sociopaths have no conscience and neurological tests have shown they do no register emotions easily. Therefore the above quote is most likely another tabloid lie written by a Newscorp sub-editor.
11a.* "I'm 74 years old and even though I may be a bit of a rascal ... 33 girls in two months seems to me too much even for a 30-year-old." - Silvio Berlusconi. If he put half as much effort into running the country as he did in chasing ass Italy would be in a much better state. Just sayin'.
11b.* "It is important always to remember that virtual contact cannot and must not take the place of direct human contact with people at every level of our lives." - Pope Benedict bestows his holy blessing on social media. The Pope. Leader of the Catholic Church. Giving advice on human relationships. Irony.
*I realised during a post-publish edit that I had miscounted, thus 11 on this list has two parts. Proving my previous claim that I'm hopeless at maths and that even counting beyond 10 is obviously a problem for me.
11 Annoying People
1. Justin Beiber.
2. Padding.
3. More padding.
4. Even more padding!
5. Padding it out.
6. Geez, I really love my iPAD!
7. Padding, padding, padding.
8. Paddington.
9. Paddington Bear.
10. Paddington Bear hates Justin Beiber.
11. Pad-O-Rama
11 Unforgettable Images
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| 1. So a Canadian hockey game sparks a riot and this photo is born. |
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| 2. Finally a global protest movement for our times. And the image of the tent has become a symbol for protest. In 2011 the sleeping masses mobilised themselves into a collective voice of outrage. |
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| 3. This is what grief looks like. Robert Peraza kneels at his son's memorial on the 10 year anniversary of 9/11. |
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| 4. OK, so Kate & Will were kinda gorgeous on their wedding day. |
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| 5. They got him. |
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| 6. Hawkeye lies next to his master's coffin during funeral. |
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| 7. Whirlpool forms after Japanese tsunami, caused by earthquake, which resulted in meltdown of nuclear power plant. This was definitely the most diabolical of 2011's natural disasters. WTF Mother Nature, WTF!!!??? |
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| 8. Harold Camping, a 'biblical numerologist' predicted the Rapture would occur on May 21 and then when it didn't happen changed it to October 21. He got it wrong a second time. Since then he has remained strangely quiet. |
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| 9. Note to all future brides: when your fiance calls off your wedding and you cannot bear the humiliation to the point of suicide, jumping out of a crowded building in your wedding dress can lead to global embarrassment if you are surrounded by photographers and the well-intentioned. |
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| 10. France and Germany carve up the European economy. Whatevs. |
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| 11. The Cosmos. An amazing place. |
11 Books I've Bought this Year that I Can't Wait to Read
1. All the Devils are Here: Unmasking the Men Who Bankrupted the World, Bethany McLean & Joe Nocera
2. The Shakespeare Thefts: In Search of the First Folios, Eric Rasmussen
3. Where Good Ideas Come From: The Natural History of Innovation, Stephen Johnson
4. The Human Stain, Philip Roth
5. The Master and his Emissary: The Divided Brain and the Making of the Western World, Iain McGilchrist
6. Thinking of Answers: Questions in the Philosophy of Everyday Life , A.C. Grayling
7. Strange Days Indeed: The 70s - The Golden Age of Paranoia, Francis Wheen
8. Naked, David Sedaris
9. Planet Word: The Story of Language from the Earliest Grunts to Twitter and Beyond, J.P. Davidson
10. The Lodger: Shakespeare on Silver Street, Charles Nicholl
11. Pop Goes the Weasel: The Secret Meanings of Nursery Rhymes, Albert Jack
1. Black Swan
2. Cave of Forgotten Dreams
3. Bridesmaids
4. Archer
7. The Trip
8. Tabloid
9. QI
1. Mayan Prophesy irrational, dumb-ass, pathetic, ignorant, stupid, gullible, moronic, brainless paranoia. And the worst part is that it's 'scheduled' for December 21 so we have to put up with almost an entire year of puerile speculation and fear over it.
1. Moving into my new place.
2. Work. Believe it or not.
3. Writing more.
4. The release of Nero Fiddled.
5. Exotic travel. And non-exotic travel. Just travel in general, OK?
6. Good things that I don't know will happen yet.
7. Summer.
8. Going out with friends & stuff.
9. Christmas. (yeah, I'm padding)
10. Over-sharing on Facebook.
11. Laughing about crap.
5. The Master and his Emissary: The Divided Brain and the Making of the Western World, Iain McGilchrist
6. Thinking of Answers: Questions in the Philosophy of Everyday Life , A.C. Grayling
7. Strange Days Indeed: The 70s - The Golden Age of Paranoia, Francis Wheen
8. Naked, David Sedaris
9. Planet Word: The Story of Language from the Earliest Grunts to Twitter and Beyond, J.P. Davidson
10. The Lodger: Shakespeare on Silver Street, Charles Nicholl
11. Pop Goes the Weasel: The Secret Meanings of Nursery Rhymes, Albert Jack
11 Fave Films/TV Shows
1. Black Swan
I love this movie in ways I find difficult to articulate. Yes, Aronofsky is a great director, the leads all give stunning performances, the visual cues and motifs are mesmerising, the storyline is compelling, it sticks with you for days afterwards, it won Oscars, it will go down as one of the best films of 2011. Yet, its total is greater than the sum of these parts. This film is not for everyone, but it definitely worked for me.
Herzog takes us deep into the psyche and artistic mind of pre-historic man in this exclusive insight into Chauvet Cave in France. Using 3D technology to enhance the cinematic experience, he walks the audience through a magical, glistening world that is as precious as it is unreachable.
Adding his signature humour and sensibilities to the tale, this master filmmaker has produced a wonderful tale - a look back into the past to help future generations to understand the future.
3. Bridesmaids
A hilarious stab at the role of bridesmaid that waaaay too many women take seriously. I first caught wind of its awesomeness from Judd Apatow's tweets of approval which contributed much to the buzz this film was giving out before it premiered. It proved to live up to the hype. Giving us some classic scenes that will go down in comedy history such the bridesmaids' dress fitting and the flight sequence scene, this film will remain as a fave for many a year and created an dubious new genre - the gross-out chick flick.
4. Archer
This effing brilliant animated series started in 2009, but I only discovered it this year on the advice of a friend. Archer is maniacal in its subversive plotlines; uber-cool in its splendidly drawn 60s-retro settings and fashion; diabolical in its politically-incorrect set ups and pay offs; hysterical in its characterisations; and perfectly cast in its voice over artists. And it's goddamn funny too. I strongly URGE you to witness the magnificence of this show for yourself. So wrong, yet so right.
Much anticipated by the enthusiasts of the book series, Game of Thrones debuted in 2011 with resounding approval from its bibliographical fan-base. Although I haven't read any of the books, I'm a sucker for medieval fantasy and I wasn't disappointed in this great series. Actor Peter Dinklage rates a special mention in his compelling portrayal of the Machiavellian Tyrion Lannister, the show almost worth watching for his performance alone.
There is much to enjoy here. Steve Carell's perfect casting and pitch-perfect performance; Julianne Moore's empathetic portrayal; Ryan Gosling's surprising hotness; Emma Stone's likeableness; Marisa Tomei's unhinged characterisation; the supporting cast's seamless performances; twists and turns you won't see coming; a goodnaturedness at the story's heart; and a wonderful movie that eloquently demonstrates how crazy and stupid love is.
7. The Trip
Don't see the movie, watch the show. This subtle yet exhilarating tale has curiously been presented as both a film and a series by its producers. I have seen the latter and can't imagine the former could be any better. For it is the slow accumulation of conversation, of meals, of events and of meanderings that lends this slow-cooking series its magic. Oh, and don't watch it on an empty stomach either. Foam...sigh...
8. Tabloid
A young beauty queen falls in love with a Mormon who promises her undying love and a wedding ring. Suddenly the Mormon is sent to Britain as a missionary, so the beauty queen cobbles together a motley crew of accomplices in a half-baked plan to kidnap her lover and save him from the Mormon church. She kidnaps him. And holds him captive as her sex-slave for 2 weeks. The Mormon escapes, alerts the authorities and the tabloid press goes ballistic with the story. Sounds like the plotline of some cheap, tawdrey novel? No, this is a friggin' documentary!
9. QI
QI stands for Quite Interesting. It also stands for Quiet Intersection; Quit Interjecting: Quilt Interlacing; Quote Intended and Quoteth Iago. But if you want to laugh while you learn and learn what is funny, while having fun learning tune into QI. The smartest and funniest show on TV. Each series tackles topics starting with a progressive letter of the alphabet. They are currently up to the 'I's, which is quietly intriguing and also means there are thankfully 12 series still to go.
Series 9 of this brilliant series is re-invigorated by Larry David et al relocating to New York which acts as a fresh backdrop for David's madness, or sanity as he would put it. The series has now lasted as long as Seinfeld did, but on a less populist scale. However, would moving the location of the action bring David dangerously close to Seinfeld territory? Only on one occasion did a Kramer-esque caper sneak through when David installs a periscope into the roof of his car to help him gauge traffic on the streets of NY. David ends the series in a final episode starring Michael J Fox and a rhapsodic series of social transgressions and inappropriate references to Parkinsons disease, proving David is still in top form.
Woody Allen is one of my comedic heroes. I wish I could write like him. I wish I had a mere skerrick of his talent for the absurd. I understand and relate to his characters. I admire his career. But I won't comment on his personal life. Eew. A recent inventory of his movies revealed I have seen 35 of his 47 films. He is a prolific filmmaker with at least a new release every year (sometimes three, frig!) whose work in even a bad year is often better than the average cinematic fare. So how did I like Midnight in Paris? I adored it. Because it's whimsical in a way that Allen does so well. It's simultaneously adolescent and cerebral in its humour. It is lovingly detailed in cultural references and modernist in-jokes. And it's Woody at his best, when all the elements converge to create another highpoint in an already impressive body of work.
11 Things I'm Not Looking Forward to in 2012
1. Mayan Prophesy irrational, dumb-ass, pathetic, ignorant, stupid, gullible, moronic, brainless paranoia. And the worst part is that it's 'scheduled' for December 21 so we have to put up with almost an entire year of puerile speculation and fear over it.
2. The London Olympics. All sport is boring. Except for gymnastics which is cool.
3. All the natural disasters ahead.
4. Extreme weather.
5. Possibly a federal election.
6. More Justin Beiber frenzy on Twitter.
7. Stories about financial doom and gloom. Seriously over it.
8. Winter.
9. Bullshit stuff & crap.
10. The carbon tax.
11. Traffic.
3. All the natural disasters ahead.
4. Extreme weather.
5. Possibly a federal election.
6. More Justin Beiber frenzy on Twitter.
7. Stories about financial doom and gloom. Seriously over it.
8. Winter.
9. Bullshit stuff & crap.
10. The carbon tax.
11. Traffic.
11 Things I am Looking Forward to in 2012
1. Moving into my new place.
2. Work. Believe it or not.
3. Writing more.
4. The release of Nero Fiddled.
5. Exotic travel. And non-exotic travel. Just travel in general, OK?
6. Good things that I don't know will happen yet.
7. Summer.
8. Going out with friends & stuff.
9. Christmas. (yeah, I'm padding)
10. Over-sharing on Facebook.
11. Laughing about crap.
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